You Have To Stop And Look Around Every Once In Awhile

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So I was going to write a diatribe about corporate fuckery today, but then I thought you know what? It’s Friday.  I was standing outside watching the little shake-and-piss dog hump a stuffed animal behind the french doors of the apartment across the way- that little shit will fuck everything, BTW, and can you blame […]

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It's Got Real Hair

For the longest time, I have been asking myself why there isn’t more of an offering in the virtual sex department. There’s certainly a market for it.  Wii and Apple need to get their shit together, get themselves sat down at a conference table, and hammer that out.  Don’t you think so?  Even if you’re […]

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Don't Ever Ask Anyone If Their Kid Is Retarded

There are certain things you are never, ever allowed to ask people. The main one is, of course, in regards to a woman’s pregnant or non-pregnant condition.  You cannot ask a woman if she is pregnant unless there is an actual baby shooting out of her crotch right in front of you. You’re skating on […]

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Rethinking The Third Reich

My Text Conversation About the Third Reich Note: to speed things up and simplify, Wag the Dad is in bold and The Dane is in italics. Wag: All German men are gay. The Dane: No response. Seriously, like at least eighty percent of these guys, I can’t tell whether they’re gay or straight. I keep […]

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It's Time To Get In Shape For The Apocalypse

This is my first post via the app on my iPhone. Because I’m in Germany. For work. Deal. I have decided this saggy-titted fat business has gone on long enough. Yesterday I discovered, not for the first time, that I have developed a flab fold between my tits and the top of my belly. I’ve […]

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New Year's Advice for Women

2 Things before we get started: 1)  This is advice for what to do and not to do during the celebration of New Year’s Eve.  Not what to do in the New Year.  I can say one simple thing about that:  don’t fucking do anything.  You know that you’ll stop doing what you planned to […]

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I Need Me Some Authority

Do any of you miss the voice of authority?  Assuming that those of you reading it are, nominally at least, adults, and thus, have been your own authority for quite some time. I’m not talking about the IRS, the President, or the cops, all of whom (hopefully) do not represent the kind of authority I […]

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Fish Soup

When you move to a foreign country, your scope of awareness changes rapidly.  Meaning, it goes from general to specific.  Meaning, that when I first came to Austria and fought the ensuing culture shock, in order to cope, I said things to myself like “well, this is the way the Europeans are.”  Then I met […]

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Shopping and Shins

Shopping   I love Christmas. I really, really love Christmas.  I do.  I love every part of Christmas:  the gift-giving, the smell of the tree, the parties, the food, the staying up late while putting decals on Barbie kitchens, and yes, I even love getting up early as eff to watch the kids unwrap presents. […]

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What is the fucking deal about blog spamming NOT being punishable by death?

This is just a rant.  It’s Friday, and I am going away on vacation tomorrow, so I’m just going to go all out. What is the fucking deal about blog spamming NOT being punishable by death? Or at least severe fines and prison time?  Now.  Before The Lawyer fills me in on the actual legal […]

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