For the longest time, I have been asking myself why there isn’t more of an offering in the virtual sex department.
There’s certainly a market for it. Wii and Apple need to get their shit together, get themselves sat down at a conference table, and hammer that out. Don’t you think so? Even if you’re not into sex toys, it’s got to be an idea that would work.
The technology is there. Engineers, notorious for not getting laid with normal human beings, would have had to already come up with the necessary widgets.
So why don’t they have it yet?
iDong. iSnatch. iRam.
Maybe I need to apply for a new job.
Anyway, so while I was waiting for the bus that takes me to the place that slowly dissolves my soul in the hairy acid of corporate iniquity, I was doing what I usually do: thinking about sex. And this topic came up.
Then I started thinking about how unfair it is, really, that men in general have such a high sex drive, in comparison to most women, and yet there is a dearth of suitable sex toys for those of us with penii.
What is available are sticky novelty items, to be used once and then tossed away.
Given this lack of fundamental alone-time toys for men, I do in part understand why there is no iPussy.
Have you ever been to a sex shop? Of course you have. We all have. What do they have there, by way of toys? Think of the variety of dildos, vibrators and strap-ons available at your local sex shop. Then, the next time you’re there, go and try to find a fake vagina.
If you can find one – and at most places you can’t – take a good look at it. The only ones I have found, even online, look like half a loaf of half-baked bread.
The only one I saw in real life was in a box. On the front of the box was the blurb:
“New! With lifelike hair!”
Because this is the selling point of the whole wad of plastic. Not “it feels just like a real pussy” or “easy clean up” but “it’s got real hair!”
There is a reason that they call pubic hair a secondary sex characteristic. It’s because it’s secondary to sex. It’s because it’s an afterthought. It was put there by evolution so bald monkeys could recognize who was most likely fertile, and who most likely was not.
And look! It’s only 129.99!
I am not fucking kidding. Fake pussy costs more than real pussy. Fake pussy is expensive. But it’s got real hair.
Can you imagine going out to buy a dildo – I KNOW they have them with balls on them, too – and having the selling point of the shaft be the hair dangling off off the nuts at the end of it? Who in the hell would buy that? Exactly.
It sucks to be a man. Sure, we earn more and we can stand up while pissing, but what else is out there for us? After we’re now expected to help with the household, listen when spoken to, show our emotions and care for our children?
Fake pussies with real hair.
Wag the Dad
Well, I was waiting for the bus. Standing there thinking. Here’s more thinking for you: