This is the third and final rule. Anything else is just window dressing. Shit, if you got rule #1 and #2, you don’t need anything else. For extra credit you can go and read up on erogenous zones, but even those are overrated.
To recap what we’ve already discussed:
Stimulate the clitoris in any way you can. Listen to the woman. If she makes positive
noise, continue. If she makes negative noise, do something else.
The third and final rule?
Grab and retreat.
I’ll say it again:
Grab and retreat.
Rolls off the tongue quite nicely, don’t you think? No? Well, then, fucko, you will most likely remember it.
This is the icing on the cake, the lube on the sausage, the fire in the hole. Once you’ve mastered listening and figured out what to do with the clitoris (and possibly other, made-up or real erogenous zones such as the hollow between the upper arm and the lower arm, the clavicle or the armpit), you can’t just grab a hold and ride until you reach outer space.
Well. You CAN. But if you want to be really good? If you want them begging for more?
You do all of that. And then you do nothing. Then you do it again. Then you go somewhere else, and then you go back there and do it a lot more.
First you do a little, then the little won’t do it, so the little gets more and more.
I think that’s a Donovan song.
You keep that up, and they’ll be begging you to do other things. By then you won’t have to figure it out, if you’ve done all this correctly,
because by then they will be telling you exactly what you need to do with your nether appendages.
If not, you’re not doing it right. Go back to the beginning.
Final Rules for Men on How To Please a Woman Sexually
Stimulate the clitoris or whatever. If the woman makes negative noise, do something else. If the woman makes positive noise, do it some more, then stop and do something else. Remember that place with the positive noise and go back and do that again after you’ve done the something else.
Pleasing a woman sexually is like a bee visiting a flower. Never watched a bee
visit a flower? Maybe that’s an indication as to why you haven’t been able to please a woman: you have to slow down, and think about something else for a change, other than your own dick.
When a bee visits a flower, it doesn’t stick its proboscis in there and ram the flower until it gives up the nectar. It grabs and retreats, grabs and retreats. Sometimes it visits other flowers before it comes back, which is OK, if you’re all consenting, but a bee that’s monogamous will visit all areas of the flower, sampling, working, until it gets the best juice it can find.
It’s exhausting, if you do it right. But the return on the investment is worth the effort.
I know. Bees? Fucking hell, bees? Yeah, you come up with a better metaphor. If you don’t know what a metaphor is, chances are you suck in bed. Go back to the beginning.
Wag the Dad
Got any more sexual needs? Read these to tide you over: