What is the fucking deal about blog spamming NOT being punishable by death?

blog spam death

See This? This The Hand of Death, Spammo!

This is just a rant.  It’s Friday, and I am going away on vacation tomorrow, so I’m just going to go all out.

What is the fucking deal about blog spamming NOT being punishable by death?

Or at least severe fines and prison time? 

Now.  Before The Lawyer fills me in on the actual legal situation, let’s look at this for a minute, OK?

Background on Blogging Spam

For those of you who are not savvy about blog spamming — until I started this blog, a little over a year ago, I had no idea this shit existed — what I am talking about is comment spam.

Comment spam is usually perpetrated by automatic robots that crawl around the web and try to insert spam comments into blog posts in order to build link juice.

For those of you who (like me not so long ago) don’t know what that means:  link juice is basically the spreading of your url feces about the web so that Google thinks that people have linked to you.  When Google thinks people have linked to you, your search engine results get better.

And THAT only means that when someone goes into Google and types in a search term, your website has a much greater chance of getting up toward the top.

Otherwise, blog spam is basically the same as e-mail spam:  you didn’t ask for it, it’s annoying, and you can try to filter it out as much as possible.

And, like e-mail spam, blog comment spam sometimes contains malicious stuff, like viruses and worms.  The more sophisticated blogging shit will crawl through your posts and insert a lot of nice ads about viagra and cialis and, like syphilis, it’s very hard to get rid of.

Legislation

Now.  I don’t know jack about whatever legislation has been passed to punish blog spamming.  All I know is that, if there are indeed laws against it, they don’t work, because I continue to get blog spam on a regular basis.  Thank god for Aksimet filtering pretty much all of it out.

AND it is almost always advertising for some legitimate business.  That’s the other thing.  Somebody at some jackass business is trying to infiltrate my private property and not pay a goddamn cent for free advertising.

Do you see where I’m going with this?  Do you see how blog spam is different from e-mail spam?

E-mail spam can be compared to actual, physical junk mail.  We all get junk mail, we lament the dead trees and shit, and then we throw it away.  Or use it to roll joints or wipe our asses or whatnot.

But blog spam is different.  Blog spam is like me going out to a newsstand, taking all the newspapers, and writing ads for Wag the Dad, Viagra and Cialis all over the margins and then putting them back.  Or me going out and hanging up photos of Ms. Wag the Dad 2012 all over freeway billboards because, you know, it was just there and Ms. Wag the Dad 2012 looks a helluva lot better than ads for ambulance chasers.

Which would, of course, be considered criminal damage to private property.

Correct?

So why can’t we just move beyond all of this frustration and start killing blog spammers?

 

Legally, of course.  I’m not willing to sanction any kind of violence other than the kind the state sponsors.  I’m not a fucking barbarian, for chrissake.  In fact, I’m a huge supporter of civilization, capitalism, and the American Way of Life.

And a big part of that involves legal protection of private property.  And the death penalty.

Let’s add blog spammers to the list of people who should enjoy capital punishment but don’t, along with the bankers, the narcs, and just plain people who don’t give a shit about anything.

Anybody gonna go along with me on this?  I see an independent political party.  We need more of those anyway.

Who’s with me?  Huh? Huh?

Sincerely Yours

Wag the Dad

Yeah, I know.  It’s like complaining about the IRS.  No matter what you do, they just don’t fucking go away:

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Comments

  1. THANK YOU.

    And seriously, fuck those Russian search engines have been blowing up my blog. I check my stats and for a sec I think I am super popular just to see it’s those damn Russians again.

    I also hate those real bloggers who copy and paste the same stupid comment that makes no sense at all on a ton of different blogs and expect no one to notice.

    I caught one thundercunt doing that to my blog and I raged like a PMSing lioness on her.

    Shit. Got. Ugly.

    http://www.afewfrenchfriesshortofahappymeal.com/2011/08/oh-no-you-did-not-just-spam-my-blog.html

    • I just read your blog post and I can’t help but comment. I think what you did calling her out was fucking awesome. That shit does nothing but piss me off. You get that a lot if you participate in blog hops. “Hi, I’m from ! I’m following you now, please stop by and follow me back!” Ugh. Nothing pisses me off more. I’ve heard stories of bloggers getting comments like this on posts where they’re talking about a miscarriage or the death of a loved one, or something equally serious. What BS. So good for you for calling her out! Oh and like a train wreck I had to try and take a peek at the spammer’s blog. It’s been delted and I’m glad. One less idiot in the blogsphere.

  2. Should this be my Ms. Wag the Dad 2012 platform? Maybe I could personally stalk down all blog spammers and wrap their heads in double knit polyester until they admit that they are users and submit to my demands? Maybe I need to create some sort of a 12 step program for these a-holes who think that it is okay to use people’s hard work as their personal doormat? I’m going to get all fired up about this, as soon as I drink the rest of my coffee! DAMN IT!

    • Oh no! Not the double knit polyester! Everyone knows that shit don’t breathe! You really would kill them all . . . oh wait. Yeah, go ahead, I’m cool with dat.

      I would really like to see your mug up on billboards. Wag needs to get on that. I’ll defend him and shit. We’ll plead temporary insanity. Hell, maybe go for full on diminished capacity. He’d totally get off!

  3. I’m not really cool enough yet to get spammers. I’m waiting to be cooler. However, reading other bloggers’ spam is holy hell annoying. I hate them and am in total agreement that they should all die.

    Ps- your pictures always make me laugh. That girl is so ridiculous.’

    Pps- “link juice” sounds like it could also be an STD. Just sayin’.

  4. Yeah, online regulations are tricky. It is still a baby in terms of legal issues, even though it has been around for a good while now. And regulating blogs is really a much newer territory that I’m not even sure has prompted legislation. The wheels of the legislature turn very slowly. Even though there is an obvious need for something, it might be years before it is even brought up for regulation, and I’m not sure regulation of blogs is on anyone’s radar particularly.

    Maybe it you and Johi threw your full weight on it we might start getting somewhere and get those wheels turning . . . ok, probably not. But I would love to see the campaign slogans you come up with: “Blog Spammers Must Die!” “Spamming Blogs? Cutting off balls.” “Spam kills!” (I’m thinking you might get some flack from the creators of the Spam meat product for that).

  5. I knew I made it to the big time when I started getting casino website SPAN as well as the Russians. And then I get these Anonymous comments that are kind of half SPAMmy and I have to decide if they are relevant enough to leave up… maybe it isn’t SPAM but someone who doesn’t speak English well…?

    The big question I always have for all SPAMmers is: Does this shit actually work? And then I remember they story about the guy who catcalls women and yes. It does work, if you call out enough, SOMEONE is going to click.

    DEATH PENALTY.

  6. off with their heads! I love how they are so obviously spam comments. They don’t even try to make it seem legit.

  7. I have a .357, a Glock and a .22 rifle in my gun safe. I was also just told by my doctor that I can no longer consume caffeine, red meat or processed sugar so I have nothing to live for at this point. . .let me at ‘em.

  8. I saw we start a petition to create a new law! Fuck these asshole spammers!

    Oh and while Askimet is awesome for weeding spam out…it sometimes weeds out real comments. So I still make a point of checking my spam folder, just in case. Which sucks now that I have my own domain. When I was hosted by WordPress I might get 8 a day, now it’s more like 50 to 100. WTF.

  9. I’m on WordPress, they do a pretty good job of weeding out blog spam. I still have to check my filters because legit comments get in there, but that’s about it. I guess if I ever get wildly popular, this is going to become something to worry about.

    Kinda like crabs, which I’ve never been popular enough to get either.

  10. Ahh…. the freedom of no one really knowing who you are… I’ve had ONE spam comment. Who informed me that my blog was “REALLY EDUCATIONAL!!!” Yeah.

  11. Okay, well maybe I’m just not big enough to get blog-spammed, because I really had no idea what this was.

    Then you made the WagTheDad/Viagra reference, and it all made sense.
    :)

  12. I do not doubt that out there in the world of blogging cyberspace there is a computer genius who could hack their IP addresses and track them down. I implore them for the sake of humanity to step forward and help us hunt these vermin down. I’m not allowed guns in my country, but as a chef I have a great many very sharp knives and lots of experience with butchery. Just saying.
    Have a great vacation Shane!!

  13. even though I have yet to experience this type of spam…. if it’s anything like the 400+ spam e-mails I get every day that sit in my spam folder (no joke, it’s almost 400 a day)…. until I permanently delete them…. then I’m less than impressed.

    I shall join your crusade..

    wait.. is a crusade or a campaign?

    hmmmmmmm.. I think it’s only a crusade when it involves the Holy Grail.

    Campaign it is!

    We need a name….. Viagra Smashers? No.. that makes us sound like we hate penis.
    Only good spam is the kind in a pan? True (sort of).. but it’s kind of long.

    we could always just use something vagina related and then we can use SuperPussy as our mascot. At least we’ll get attention

  14. I always thought I hated three things only: paying too much tax, commercials and shaving, but you’ve made me realize there’s a number four (and please stop after that…): I hate spam. Russian spam is the worst kind. Miss Sassy Pants knows what I’m talking about. So I’m with you, Mr Dad, as long as it’s um legal. Legal is a very bendy word, wouldn’t you say? It’s like, Oh it’s legal, so it’s alright. But let’s not go there. Enjoy your holiday and nuke ‘them spammers’ off the planet while you’re at it.

  15. I always think that when I start having problems like this it means people actually like me. This and a stalker. Every good blogger needs a stalker. Right, Jen?

  16. I agree with Ms. Sassy Pants, that is much more annoying to me. Maybe it’s just that I rarely get actual spam. Either way I typically don’t delete. I would if I got a lot of it. I’m guessing you get a lot of it since you’re raging so hard. Seriously, man. Go for a run or something.

  17. That is possibly the ugliest woman I have ever seen (it is a woman, right).

    Oh and the blog comment spammers, I know some old redneck boys who could take of that problem

  18. I have only been blogging for about a year and am only now starting to get spammers. I feel exactly the same way. They throw off my stats and ruin the flow of my page. Shoot them all.

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